Thursday, September 20, 2012

its almost september.

obviously, i have been doing an amazing job of documenting the past few weeks/ months.

it is september.

mosquitoes, your days are numbered.

ladies and gents, i am a pregapottomas. but you knew that already.

in two days, Bean infant will be all of 12 weeks old. i have spent the past few weeks feeling less than amazing. apparently, a growing human is not a favorite neighbor of my stomach. i gag like a pro, but have managed to overcome getting sick every day after about a month of it. God is gracious!

this is my excuse for being so stellar at loosing track of the end of the summer.  

my heart is so ready for this new little one. april feels so far away! i cant wait for this baby to join our family. Leilani is quite ready for a sibling. i know she will be a terrific big sister.

but oh my goodness. i am really struggling to keep up with every day life. i am so thankful to feel such improvement overall, keeping food down is usually the norm, and less makes me gag these days. but my energy comes and goes in frustratingly unpredictable waves, and my get up and go, got up and left weeks ago.

my house is never clean. and i am not being modest and heavy sighing over a sock in the livingroom and some toys scattered across the house. overflowing trash cans, piles of laundry (washed and unwashed) plates with breakfast on them from two days ago sitting on the table... don't get me started at the science projects trying to grow in my kitchen. its really a mess. food shopping and prep often feels like an insurmountable task most days.

i am not discrediting the value and importance of keeping Leilani clean and fed (for the most part), or the physical work it requires to grow a baby person. but i really feel frustrated with my inability to maintain a "put-together, everything is under control" environment. my heart always feels heavy as i try to determine how much of my lethargic attitude comes from the genuine physical restraints of the first trimester of pregnancy, and how much is the result of a slothful heart. and how much of my concern and embarrassment is the result of actual responsibility or is it just pride?

so yes. every day life feels kinda out of control these days.

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