the way things look these days

October is drawing to a rapid close. Technically, it is fall. And some days it feels like it. But Memphis gets confused, and so we are having another week of summer this week. Hello 80s.

I am feeling much more like myself lately. In keeping with the roller coaster pattern of my life/emotions, I have been feeling generally pretty chipper. The house has more frequent "Oh look, someone takes care of things in here" days, food is cooked most nights and Leilani looks less neglected when she goes out in public. Here she is walking through a community garden in Germantown the other day. Thats right. I drove to Germantown to go look at a garden and chickens. MAMA IS BACK YALL.

This child is delicious. Look at her. Shes like a big piece of cake. (I think about food a lot these days. But really. She is scrumptious.) And seriously, does anyone have cake? It has been 30 minutes since my after lunch snack and I am starving.

I really needed fall this year. The cooler temperatures (generally) and the overall "fallish" atmosphere to things have been so refreshing to my heart. After a few years of summer loving, I am remembering my roots as an avid fall savoring, sweater wearing, chilly appreciator.

We get outside a bit more these days. Nothing like fresh air and the smell of nature to calm a person down. Leilani has discovered a penchant for pulling up weeds, wandering behind the shrubs, and digging in the dirt for rocks. It makes my heart happy (yet sometimes a bit appalled) to see her covered in grass clippings, dirt and leafy particles.

Although Memphis does not really "get" the whole Fall thing, she still manages to remind the occasional leaf to spruce up a bit. I can count on one hand the number of fully turned trees I have seen, they typical pattern that I usually notice is green, brown, then they fall off and manage to turn some shade of rusty something once they hit the ground. 

These little gentlemen are such blessings to my girl. She sure has been missing all of her cousins and aunts back home, but Simon and Harvey do a great job of keeping her occupied during the week. Thankful for these friends, and the laughter and mischief they bring to our mornings. 

We are all sleeping better these days. Leilani goes right down for her naps all by herself and has been sleeping through most nights. The insanely loud train still startles me awake, but she has seemingly adjusted.  Hugely thankful to the Lord for His grace in this area. Yall know how much Mama has had to fight the sleep monster with this child, I'm so relieved that for now, the war has been won.

Thankful too for sweet neighbors who spoil my smallish one with new tights and stripy, hooded tunics. We really have some of the greatest people to call neighbors. It is crazy, and so clearly the Lord's provision. Over the late end of the summer, while I was battling the first trimester woes (and some selfish self pity and homesickness and discouragement and...) these friends helped me keep sight of the rightness of being here, and daily make Memphis our home away from our other home. God knew we needed these guys, and it amazes me how He called us to all be here together.

Watching Leilani grow and learn and play every day gets me more and more excited to welcome our new little one. Motherhood sure is challenging, but she proves it every day to be worth it. Thankful for her grace with me as I blunder along, for her cheery companionship and conversation, and for how she shows me Jesus.

That's our lately. I really don't know how to catch up on all the months I missed documenting, but perhaps it is better to move on with the present. I was a sick crankypot for much of the past while, and I know my perspective was shaped by my physical circumstances.

I think the most consistent thing (perhaps the only consistent thing?) that kept me somewhat buoyant despite my droopy attitude, has been Jesus. I can not explain how faithfully He has been calling and wooing and encouraging these past two months. "The love of God is greater far, than tongue or pen could ever tell." Every day I see myself more clearly for the child I am, and Him for the patient Father that He is.


That's all for now folks.

Coming up: What God Has Been Saying and Oh Look, I am Pregnant.