Ten Whole Weeks. 70 days of a new life. She now has chubby rolls and dimples all over her 12 pound self, she coos and squeals and smiles as she studies things, she splashes in her tub (which she has come to really enjoy) and as of 3 nights ago, has learned how to sleep better at night thanks to being in her crib. Incredible.
This month has provided an entirely new set of challenges to this mamma. The first was exhaustion, overwhelmed confused exhaustion, learning to love and taking a first real hard look at all the work to be done. This is all still present, but the exhaustion is starting to lessen, and the confusion is not as overwhelming. I have been working through a new kind of character building exercise that I am sure will continue in the months to come. Isolation.
As one of the world's most enthusiastic extroverts, I recharge, process stress, emotions and attempt to reach logic or at least coherancy with people. There has been a lot of recharging needed and an enormous ammount of emotions and stress to process and a great lack of coherancy. As I have learned more about who my Little Lady is, I have come to realize that she best processes stress, emotions and attempts to make sense of this crazy world, in warm quiet, with an ever ready milk supply and a few soft wispers. Often, a peppy bounce and jingle with Daddy is the one thing she needs to calm her down, but sometimes, it takes me. When? All the times that I am with people. Parties, church, visits with just a few people at home, anywhere that I try to go to process as an extrovert sends her into tired, tearful stress very quickly. I then need to get up, find a quiet corner away from everyone to feed her and calm her back down. My "E tank" is very, very low.
I have discovered that I do not know what it means to "be still and Know that He is God." I do not fully know how to find that still small wisper, and from that Voice alone, draw from it the strength, refreshment and peace that I need. I have been given the opportunity to every single day, lay down myself for the sake of another and learn to be Still. I need to find my center in the Rock, for when a house is built on Him, it will never be shaken. I need to learn how to be alone, but not lonely, in an empty room or house but have a full heart. I need to learn to be silent, but never stop communicating with my Savior.