Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Today is March 16, 2011

Today is my birthday. This time last year I was great with child and desperate for delivery. Today marks the hardest year of my life. This year, as I was being fussed at by a cranky baby, feeling totally tired and angsty that I was not sleeping, I was reflective. On how much work this year was. On how little sleep I got. On how much I cried, sacrificed, and was forced to die to self. On how much I complained. I felt like I had missed out on so much. I grumped about how most of my marriage, I didn't get to be the cute newlywed I daydreamed about, but how I looked frumpy, had no energy and got up close and personal with poop. Cause I am an infant a crankster. I was greatly in need of an attitude adjustment, cause in reality, I was not that cranky. I was just fussing to myself like I was.

Then this song happened thanks to a blog post from Jess Mac.

Reality check.

 Time to redefine.

This year marked the fullest year of my life. A year in which I clung to the Lord more, a year where I learned to serve more. A year that taught me more about who God is. A year in which I was blessed to experience an intense kind of love that I never knew before. A year of a new kind of joy.  A year of depth, of growth, of discovery and of change. A year of overwhelming blessing. My 21st year was amazing. I am so thankful for the journey that God has placed Ryan and I on. I am so thankful for a year of having a little baby girl to serve and love. I am so thankful for the everlasting, loving, forgiving arms of my Father, Who never puts me down when I cry, Who never grows impatient with my restlessness, Who never gives up in frustration when I just don't get it, Who never stops loving me when I smell my worst, am at my crankiest and am in the midst of an ugly cry. "What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?" If that's what it takes, that's what I want. I want to know my Savior. And this year, He became clearer.

 Thank you Lord, for the best year of my life.

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