When we lay Leilani down in her bed, we make sure to rest our hands on her back so that as she settles in her sleep, she feels our presence, and knows she is safe and that we are with her.
Psalm 139:5-6
"Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it."
It struck me today, as I put her down for her nap. He lays His hand on us, to give us peace, so that we will feel His presence and know that we are safe and loved. Amazing.
Lesson 14: Hugging her and laughing with her is dear, but there is something so sweet in comforting her tears and holding her tight when she needs my arms. Closeness can come with the happy, easy times, but the trust and strength of a relationship is built when it's hard.
Lesson 15: She was mad that I wouldn't let her play with something. So as we were walking into her room to get a better toy, she threw her head back and hit the doorway. Sometimes God says "no" and instead of waiting to see what He will do instead, we throw a tantrum and hurt ourselves.
Today you are a whole Year old. Although I have a hard time remembering what life was like before you came into it, I can't figure out how your first 365 days flew by so fast!
Did I really look like this only a few months ago? Crazy. I love how we share birthdays that are only a few days apart. You are the best birthday gift I have ever been given!
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Today is my birthday. This time last year I was great with child and desperate for delivery. Today marks the hardest year of my life. This year, as I was being fussed at by a cranky baby, feeling totally tired and angsty that I was not sleeping, I was reflective. On how much work this year was. On how little sleep I got. On how much I cried, sacrificed, and was forced to die to self. On how much I complained. I felt like I had missed out on so much. I grumped about how most of my marriage, I didn't get to be the cute newlywed I daydreamed about, but how I looked frumpy, had no energy and got up close and personal with poop. Cause I am an infant a crankster. I was greatly in need of an attitude adjustment, cause in reality, I was not that cranky. I was just fussing to myself like I was.
Then this song happened thanks to a blog post from Jess Mac.
Reality check.
Time to redefine.
This year marked the fullest year of my life. A year in which I clung to the Lord more, a year where I learned to serve more. A year that taught me more about who God is. A year in which I was blessed to experience an intense kind of love that I never knew before. A year of a new kind of joy. A year of depth, of growth, of discovery and of change. A year of overwhelming blessing. My 21st year was amazing. I am so thankful for the journey that God has placed Ryan and I on. I am so thankful for a year of having a little baby girl to serve and love. I am so thankful for the everlasting, loving, forgiving arms of my Father, Who never puts me down when I cry, Who never grows impatient with my restlessness, Who never gives up in frustration when I just don't get it, Who never stops loving me when I smell my worst, am at my crankiest and am in the midst of an ugly cry. "What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?" If that's what it takes, that's what I want. I want to know my Savior. And this year, He became clearer.
