When I am tired, I talk. A lot. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is a really big deal. Any sense of calm grip that I manage to maintain throughout the day on things that feel overwhelming can quickly disintegrate into freaked out, emotional overwhelmedness. The semester before I got married, I melted into this state more often than not. School was stressful, work was stressful, and life had gotten enormous all of a sudden and the future raced to meet the present. Always on the go, I managed to maintain, usually, but several times a week after a 3 hour night class, I would come home in quite a state. My method of recovery? Tell my sister and mother all about everything. That meant approaching the couch where my two introverts sat sleepily reading their books, throwing myself on the floor and rambling about anything that came into my head for an hour. I would talk myself all over the place while they looked at eachother and listened, waiting for me to vent myself out of words. I also discovered that when they were at the table, sliding under it and grabbing a table leg like an earthquake was about to hit was actually quite confortable. Sort of like grabbing a large wooden security blanket. I usually felt better afterwards, but then the inevitable guilt would decend as I had once again eaten up their whole reading time with my extroverted processing. I always wondered how I would survive when I did not have their patient ears to come home to.
The semester ended, I left all that was familiar about life behind, and got married to a man that had to of dropped down to me straight from Heaven. Life once again took a deep breath and expanded to gigantic proportions and then managed to get even bigger with the arrival of a little growing person. It was (and is) a lot to process. All of everything is wonderful, grand and blessed, but huge and unpredictable just the same. I found myself to be too busy to get too worked up about not having a complete enough plan, but there are still times when I come home ready to crawl into bed and cry just a little bit like a tired baby who has everything but just needs to cry sometimes. My stressed out self arrives home, walks through the house to our warm yellow room and there he sits. The greatest stress defuser of my life. God somehow managed to embody security and chilloutness into one darling person and give him all to me. While he has an ear for my ramblings comparable only to my two introverts, I usually just have to sit down beside him for all of my stress and emotionalness to simply evaporate.
What a blessing to be married to a person that can melt stress and provide comfort and security with just with a hug or even just simply breathing. I am so thankful for my husband.
I love you.
ReplyDelete